


Action Man

by cyrc



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Cruise Ships, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 18:11:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17771744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyrc/pseuds/cyrc
Summary: "You think Danzo is using a couple's cruise as a cover to smuggle weapons." Yamato said."Yes." Tsunade said."And you want me and-" He paused to gesture at Kakashi- "himto go undercover as a couple."A modern/spy/fake dating au.





	Action Man

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Superman/Batman Annual #1, “Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One…”, where Superman and Batman share a bed on a cruise + all the subsequent superbat fanfic involving cruises LOL.
> 
> Fic title from Action Man by Bearforce1 (because I couldn’t think of anything else). Chapter title from Loonatic by LOONA Odd Eye Circle. 
> 
> I proofread this, but it hasn’t been beta read. Feel free to leave a comment about any mistakes. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"You think Danzo is using a couple's cruise as a cover to smuggle weapons." Yamato said.    
  
"Yes." Tsunade said.    
  
"And you want me and-" He paused to gesture at Kakashi- " _ him _ to go undercover as a couple."   
  
"What's wrong with that?" Kakashi asked.    
  
"A lot of things," Yamato said. He was not looking forward to going undercover as a couple with someone he had quietly been pining after for years. "Your eternal rival might challenge me to mortal combat and I don't have time for duels to the death."    
  
Kakashi flopped a hand on his chest dramatically. "You don't think a fake relationship with me is worth a duel to the death? Why, Tenzo, you wound me. Deeply."   
  
"You and Kakashi are our best agents." Tsunade said. "You've worked together for years. And you both know how Danzo operates."

"Yes, but you're not the one who's going to have to deal with his nicknames." Yamato muttered.    


"Oh, snookums, don't be like that." Kakashi said.     
  
Yamato sighed. He could already tell this mission was going to damage his psyche in unique and embarrassing ways. Maybe he would get out with his dignity intact.  

He could hope.    
  
"You'll do fine," Tsunade said with a smirk. "Now get out of my office."   
  
"Yes ma'am." Yamato said. 

And that was that.    
  
—

Yamato flipped through his briefing slowly. Beside him, Kakashi read his own briefing with his usual unshakable aloofness.

They would be going undercover as Taro Itsuki, an architect vacationing with his boyfriend, Sukea Tanaka, a photographer. 

_ Enjoy a week of gorgeous vistas in the lap of luxury! _ The brightly colored cruise pamphlet proclaimed.  _ The perfect romantic getaway awaits!  _

Yamato frowned at it. 

One week. 

One week, alone together, pretending (or not pretending, in Yamato's case) to be in love.    
  
"Don't look so down," Kakashi said. "You'll only have to deal with me for seven days."   
  
"It's not because of you,” Yamato said. "I like spending time with you. I just-"   
  
What could he say? _ “I’m afraid I’ll do something ridiculous, confess my feelings, and ruin our amiable platonic relationship”? _

Definitely not. Kakashi would probably leave the country and never return. He would probably find a way to leave the  _ galaxy _ .   
  
"It's not you," He repeated. 

Kakashi paused briefly, eyeing Yamato with an indecipherable expression. Yamato concentrated on looking as blank as possible. 

Kakashi looked like he might push further for a moment before he took the path of least resistance, turning his gaze back to his briefing. 

“Already working on your breakup speech?” Kakashi said. “Well, before that, we should work out cover details. First meeting, first date, stuff like that.”

Yamato took a brief moment to thank whatever higher powers might be for Kakashi’s avoidant tendencies and complete willingness to bulldoze over any amount of awkwardness. 

“Let’s keep it close to the truth,” Yamato said. “It’ll be easier to remember the details.”

“What, that you tried to kill me when we first met?”

Yamato sighed exaggeratedly. “You try to kill someone once-”

“Twice, actually,” Kakashi said mildly. His eye glinted with lazy amusement. 

“You try to kill someone twice and they never let you forget it.” 

Kakashi laughed. 

“Let’s just say we met while you were walking your dogs,” Yamato said. 

“Sure. You thinking ‘my dogs tangled us together in their leashes’ or ‘my dog peed on your leg’?”

“What? Where do you even get these ideas?”

“It’s classic meet-cute! Well, not so much the second situation, but…”

“Fine. I can tolerate the first, but please keep body fluids out of our cover story.”

“Anything for you, babe.”

“I’m the luckiest man on earth,” Yamato deadpanned.

“Aww, you’re too kind, sweetums.”

Yamato stared incredulously at Kakashi.

“Honeybun?”

Yamato’s stare grew ghoulish. 

“Ah, you’re right. Honeybun is too… ordinary. Stud-muffin?”

Yamato threw his briefing at Kakashi.

—

An hour later, Yamato was feeling confident about their backstories.

“You know what?” He said. “That’s good enough. We don’t want to make it too complicated. The ship leaves at five, so we should meet up earlier and drive to the docks together.”

“Your place at four?”

“Better make it three. That way, we might have a chance of actually getting to the docks and checking in before the ship leaves.”

Yamato understood that Kakashi struggled with coping, but it could get… extreme. Kakashi coped with his feelings the way other people coped with Jiraiya: avoid eye contact, keep moving, and do not, at any point, even consider acknowledging their existence. 

Yamato couldn’t really judge him for avoiding his feelings, though. Glass houses and all that.

“Mmhmm,” Kakashi said. “Later, Tenzo.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets and left, somehow managing to slouch out of the room and disappear before Yamato could say anything else. 

Yamato sighed and followed suit. 

He had a trip to prepare for. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It comes up briefly in a later chapter, but Kakashi is 33 and Yamato is 29! They met when Yamato was around 24.
> 
> I promised myself I’d at least finish and post the first chapter, so… here it is. I don't even want to say how long this took (curse my corpse-like writing speed!).


End file.
